TOUCH THE EVIDENCE
Nothing happened. That is exactly what it wants you to think.
The Apology Vending Machine Is Out of Change
Choose what went wrong. The machine will dispense the apology you deserve.
PRESS FOR REASSURANCE
Too late. You are already reading Broken Zine.
The machine accepts exact change, loose guilt, and most forms of embarrassment. Choose what you did.
A · I ATE THE LAST SLICE
I am sorry I ate the last slice. I thought the note saying “save this” was a suggestion about the future of the pizza.
CHANGE RETURNED: one greasy napkin.
B · I REPLIED ALL
I apologize to the entire department for sending “sure, I guess” to the entire department. My private doubts are now a shared resource.
CHANGE RETURNED: a meeting invitation.
C · I SAID “WE SHOULD HANG OUT”
I’m sorry I said that again without naming a day. I was offering you a decorative plan, and you deserved a real one.
CHANGE RETURNED: Thursday, 7 p.m.?
The machine has a fourth button marked SINCERE. It has been out of order since 1998.
For a genuine apology, find the person. Say what you did. Skip the vending machine. It is currently eating coins.
LULU VEX
Lulu Vex runs games, dares, buttons, traps, and other tiny mechanisms designed to reveal your character against your will.
Push something. The magazine is poorly supervised.
PUSH THE WEIRD BUTTON
A small bureaucrat somewhere just stamped APPROVED FOR NONSENSE.