WASHINGTON — In a major modernization of federal accountability, the White House has reportedly begun assigning blame for the midterm elections before the elections occur, eliminating the costly and time-consuming practice of waiting for an outcome.
The new program, known internally as Pre-Blame, allows senior officials to identify aides, consultants, pollsters, mapmakers, donors, weather systems and miscellaneous office equipment that may later be responsible for events not yet known.
“Government has to become more efficient,” said one fictional deputy undersecretary for retrospective strategy. “Why spend November figuring out who failed when you can have a complete failure roster by Halloween?”
Under the pilot system, every campaign memo now includes a final page titled People Who Did This to Me. Names are automatically ranked according to proximity to the president, recent television appearances, and whether the person has been described as “tremendous” within the previous 30 days.
The approach follows reports of growing tension inside Republican circles as the November elections approach and the party’s prospects have become less comfortable. In the old model, an election occurred first, followed by recriminations. Officials say the new system cuts the process in half.
Several strategists praised the innovation. “This is what the private sector calls being proactive,” said one. “You don’t wait for the ship to hit the iceberg. You prepare a PowerPoint identifying the intern who purchased the iceberg.”
The administration is also testing a complementary program called Victory Preservation, under which any Republican win will be credited upward while any loss will be distributed laterally among staff, local candidates and insufficiently enthusiastic voters.
Asked whether the president himself would appear anywhere on the responsibility chart, an official said the software currently does not support that field.
