TOUCH THE EVIDENCE
Nothing happened. That is exactly what it wants you to think.
Tiny Game: How to Tell If You’re a Shitty Driver
Five driving questions. Every wrong answer earns the contempt it deserves.
PRESS FOR REASSURANCE
Too late. You are already reading Broken Zine.
Some people have licenses. Some people merely possess laminated evidence that a government office once gave up.
Rules: Choose one answer to each question and open it to see the verdict. Count one point for every correct answer. Wrong answers receive corrective abuse at no extra charge.
1. Two cars reach a four-way stop at the same time. The other car is on your right. Who goes first?
You do, because confidence is legally binding
Wrong. You drive like a Labrador wearing sunglasses. The car on the right goes first.
The car on your right
Correct. Suspiciously competent. Continue.
2. You miss your highway exit. What now?
Stop in the lane and reverse carefully
Wrong. Please mail your keys to a responsible adult.
Take the next exit and circle back
Correct. You have discovered roads: they continue.
3. The light turns green, but traffic is blocking the intersection.
Enter anyway. Green means destiny.
Wrong. You are how gridlock learns to reproduce.
Wait until there is room to clear the intersection
Correct. Civilization survives another 40 seconds.
4. Someone is trying to merge onto the highway beside you.
Accelerate so they understand hierarchy
Wrong. Congratulations on turning transportation into middle-school lunch.
Maintain predictability; make space when safely possible
Correct. Boring, useful, adult. Devastating.
5. You are driving 52 mph in the left lane while everyone else is passing on the right.
Stay put. You are teaching them patience.
Wrong. You are not traffic enforcement. You are furniture.
Move right when safe
Correct. The republic thanks you.
Your score (count your correct answers): 5/5 — irritatingly functional. 3–4 — salvageable. 1–2 — your turn signal is probably decorative. 0 — the bus is right there.
LULU VEX
Lulu Vex runs games, dares, buttons, traps, and other tiny mechanisms designed to reveal your character against your will.
Push something. The magazine is poorly supervised.
PUSH THE WEIRD BUTTON
A small bureaucrat somewhere just stamped APPROVED FOR NONSENSE.