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Literature from the damaged end of the machine.

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Self-Funded Candidate Spends $16 Million Proving He Understands People Who Check Gas Prices Before Filling Up

UPSTATE NEW YORK — A wealthy Republican congressional candidate has entered the final weeks of the campaign with a reassuring message for working people: he has spent enough of his own money to understand them completely.

The businessman, who has reportedly put roughly $16 million into his race, has emphasized jobs, border security, government reform and the universal small-town experience of having sixteen million dollars available for a political experiment.

“I know what families are going through,” said a fictional campaign surrogate. “Sometimes you’re standing at the gas pump looking at the price, and you have to ask yourself: do I fill the tank, or do I finance another three weeks of congressional television ads?”

The candidate’s supporters say his business background proves he can bring private-sector discipline to Washington. His critics have noted layoffs tied to automation, though campaign advisers say this only shows he understands both sides of the employment relationship: having a job and discovering that software has been invited to your chair.

To reinforce his populist credentials, the campaign unveiled a new ad showing the candidate entering a diner, looking confidently at a laminated menu, and asking an aide what ordinary people usually order.

Political strategists say self-funding has an important advantage: it frees candidates from dependence on special interests, replacing hundreds of potentially compromising donors with one extremely motivated special interest.

The campaign has also dismissed concerns that the candidate’s rhetoric and pro-Trump branding may be too intense for the district. “Voters appreciate authenticity,” an adviser said. “And nothing is more authentic than spending a fortune to explain how little you care what elites think.”

Asked what he would do if elected, the candidate said he planned to represent working families on Day One. Day Two would be reserved for checking whether the $16 million had earned points.

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