TOUCH THE EVIDENCE
Nothing happened. That is exactly what it wants you to think.
A Field Guide to People Who Hit Reply All
Six species commonly found in office email chains and municipal listservs.
PRESS FOR REASSURANCE
Too late. You are already reading Broken Zine.
The reply-all user is not a single animal. It is an ecosystem.
THE THANKER. Forty-seven people receive “Thanks!” The Thanker believes gratitude becomes more sincere when delivered with the bandwidth of a small cyberattack.
THE UNEXPECTED BIOGRAPHER. Asked whether the copier is working, this person explains that they have a dentist appointment Thursday, their nephew just moved to Phoenix, and they have always preferred Canon.
THE PRIVATE RESPONDER. “Carol, I don’t think everyone needs to see this.” Everyone sees this.
THE CORRECTOR. “Actually, the meeting is at 2:30, not 2.” The original message said 2:30.
THE UNSUBSCRIBER. Replies all with “REMOVE ME FROM THIS LIST,” thereby proving the list still controls them spiritually.
THE APOLOGIST. “Sorry for the reply all!” sent by reply all.
There is no cure. There is only mute thread, the tiny padded room provided by modern civilization.
MARCY COIL
Marcy Coil documents ordinary behavior after it has been left unattended too long. Her desk contains three pens and one grievance.
Push something. The magazine is poorly supervised.
PUSH THE WEIRD BUTTON
A small bureaucrat somewhere just stamped APPROVED FOR NONSENSE.